I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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