Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
