Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
