Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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