your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
