I have demons in me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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