my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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