my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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