i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
