hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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