Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
