my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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