I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
