My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
