Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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