he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
