you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
