you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
