In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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