May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
