Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
