Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
