Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
