I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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