Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
