he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
