dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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