I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
