hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
