First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
oh god was she eating orange peels again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
