Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
