I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is my gift to your gina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
