God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
