ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
