I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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