and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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