A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
