you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
