And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The best revenge is premature balding
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
