im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
