The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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