Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
