Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
