I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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