i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
