Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
