well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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