fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I touched a dick in church today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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