i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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