I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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