i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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