I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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