once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
